I may or may not be the first person to have moved herself out of purgatory and into a better state of being with an action that could be considered reactionary and juvenile. It doesn't matter either way.
What matters is the feeling of lightness that I've moved about with all week. Both spiritual and physical. Rage, atonement, enlightenment, acceptance, forgiveness...an exhausting cycle to cram into a three-day period.
On Monday, the emotional monkey that I've been carrying around for weeks suddenly died and fell off my back with a resounding Thump!. It can sense its absence in my ability to stand up straighter, look people in the eye and laugh with ease (mostly at myself). It is indescribably liberating to just not care anymore.
Then there is the physical lightness. Despite the fatigue that lingered in my legs until mid-week, I had great interval workout Wednesday and hill workout yesterday. Although I did my hill workout on the woolly mammoth (my new nickname for the Kona), I felt strong and quick as I glided up and down the cemetery roads. I feel ready to go back out and race on Sunday morning.
What matters is the feeling of lightness that I've moved about with all week. Both spiritual and physical. Rage, atonement, enlightenment, acceptance, forgiveness...an exhausting cycle to cram into a three-day period.
On Monday, the emotional monkey that I've been carrying around for weeks suddenly died and fell off my back with a resounding Thump!. It can sense its absence in my ability to stand up straighter, look people in the eye and laugh with ease (mostly at myself). It is indescribably liberating to just not care anymore.
Then there is the physical lightness. Despite the fatigue that lingered in my legs until mid-week, I had great interval workout Wednesday and hill workout yesterday. Although I did my hill workout on the woolly mammoth (my new nickname for the Kona), I felt strong and quick as I glided up and down the cemetery roads. I feel ready to go back out and race on Sunday morning.
And I am, quite literally, lighter. I have been weighing myself once each week to see if the combination of steady training, smart eating and laying off the sauce have operated to keep off the grief-weight I lost in December (plus the bit that I had lost in the fall by actually trying) . It has. Fifteen pounds gone since mid-summer 2008. I can especially see it in my face (my smile lines don't have to fight through a layer of fat) and feel it in the way none of my work pants fit without a belt.
But I'm also exhausted. Being booked solid Monday through Thursday, 5am to 9pm, is taking its toll. I'd still be asleep now, if not for the furry warlords deciding at 7am that it was either cat food or my toes-take no prisoners.
Things should calm down in March. I hope. I will have only two, instead of four, swim workouts that I am responsible for coaching each week. And the "less is more" approach I've taken with training in the last two weeks has given me more time and energy to get my work done.
The sun is out for the first time this week...time to jam though the last project on my weekly to-do sheet. Then its time to ride, drink beer with the team and starting prepping for Banana Belt #1. Hammer Velo will be debuting our new kits on Sunday...I've heard they look sharp. And fast :-).
Things should calm down in March. I hope. I will have only two, instead of four, swim workouts that I am responsible for coaching each week. And the "less is more" approach I've taken with training in the last two weeks has given me more time and energy to get my work done.
The sun is out for the first time this week...time to jam though the last project on my weekly to-do sheet. Then its time to ride, drink beer with the team and starting prepping for Banana Belt #1. Hammer Velo will be debuting our new kits on Sunday...I've heard they look sharp. And fast :-).
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