Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Badger is Back

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't blogged in four months.  I don't want to hear it.  The Badger don't care.  She had a lot of shit going on.

Before I go much further, you should probably know where this Badger nickname originated.  Readers, the reason why the interwebs were invented:

How I was introduced to this video in the first place is a fairly amusing story.  I have a bartender friend that had been trying to convince me for weeks that a 15 minute Cross Fit workout, performed maybe three times per week, was a sufficient workout regime.

"A workout regime for what?"  You ask.  This was my exact question.

His theory was that you only need to be fit enough to escape from something or chase down something that you needed to fill your basic needs.  In my mind, this theory was flawed for at least two reasons.  First, set aside the fact that very few modern human beings are ever placed in situations where performing twelve burpees and ten rapid repeat dead lifts are useful escape strategies.  What is the point of making the escape, then dying of a heart attack immediately afterward because your aerobic conditioning taps out after 8 minutes?  Second, the latter rationale is bullshit.  Under that rationale, we'd all just need to be fit enough to operate a motorized cart around Wal-Mart. 

That video is what he sent me to prove his point.  Discuss amongst yourselves.  I think he wins the argument only because he has decided to disregard the basic rules of rational discourse.


Back to the nickname.  I got to spend the weekend in the Dalles a few weeks back with some of the lovely ladies of Sorella Forte.  We watched this video approximately 80 times and somehow the ladies started calling me the Badger.  Probably because I really just don't give a shit.  And because I eat cobras for breakfast

I like this nickname.  Its ridiculous, fits right in with my notoriously cantankerous nature and gives me an opening to do something I always thought would be cool....glue a pelt to the top of my bike helmet.


So yeah, the Badger is back...blogging, at least.  Racing bikes is a different story.  I want to want to race bikes, but it just hasn't been happening for me yet.  Which is too bad, because I now own a carbon fiber Ferrari:

I love this bike.  It corners like a dream and would climb like a Contador but for the fact that the ass on top of it hasn't really been bothered to get into climbing shape.

I've started one race this year:  Piece of Cake.  I flatted twice in the first four-mile gravel section and hitched a ride back to the start.  I was signed up for Cherry Blossom, but got the flu three days before the start and spent the weekend catching up on Top Model (i.e., watching the Jade/Joanie/Danielle season for the sixth time), shotgunning kombucha and reading Stephen King novels.

Here's the catch with Cherry Blossom.  I was actually relieved when I got sick.  This is not the thought process of someone that should be racing bikes.

So, for now, I'm just training.  The mojo will come back in its own sweet time.  I've started a consistent yoga practice and am a regular at a weekly strength class that is so rough that I only need to do one class per week.  

And....drum roll...I've got a new gig imposing my demonic will over an indoor cycling class offered by my friend Julie's coaching business.  I love it.  Nothing like being despised for a good, healthy reason. 


And finally, the cancer update.  I hit my one year cancer-versary on February 24.  My first six-month mammogram came back clear and I just have to keep popping pills and showing up for periodic gropings by my oncologist. 

For now, cancer is just about managing the side effects from the meds (honey badger like hormone fluctuations) and figuring out some of the lifestyle issues that go along with my last 4.5 years of treatment.  The oncology physician's assistant more or less bullied me into seeing a oncology social worker about fertility issues.  I was hoping to remain in denial about all of this until it became relevant (I know, mature strategy), but apparently having cancer does not remove me from having to make post-cancer adult life-planning decisions.  Sheeeeee-it.

Life is good and, for those of you that cared,  I'm sorry for being absent from this blog for so long.  So much of the winter was wrapped around searching for a new job (which I got) and dealing with personal issues that were not-safe-for-internet.

But the Badger is back, and thanks for coming back as well.