Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Its Not Easy Being Green

I have a friend that is the throes of a new romance. Right now her life is all giddy sleep-deprivation and public displays of affection and plans and hope. I listened, questioned, laughed and before we changed topics, said, "Girl, if you weren't my friend, I'd be very jealous of you right now."

Riding home, I realized that what I'd said was a lie. I was totally jealous. In fact, I was so jealous that I could spit.

I got home that night and decided to brood in my bedroom instead of joining my roommate for Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. Instead, I found Footloose on some random movie channel and sat on my bed reading Cycling Action and picking the polish off of my toenails.

This brings me to a passage from the Bible. I'm not a religious person, but Ecclesiastes 3 has always struck a chord in me, despite the high pop culture cheese factor associated with its inclusion in Footloose. Especially so I'm feeling impatient and dissatisfied with my existence.

For those of you unfamiliar with either Ecclesiastes 3 or Footloose (either way, evidence that you've lived a cave for the last fifteen years), a refresher:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sow; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."


I'll quickly get to my point.

With everything going on in my life right now, there is a palpable absence of romance and physical intimacy. Honestly, it sucks. As does the fact that being irritated about it is taking up a lot of mental energy and focus that could be better spent on other endeavors.

I'm watching Footloose and sulking when the obvious hits me.

This isn't my time for all of that.

I had my time for crushes and romance over the last few years, and now that that time is passed, it is time to concentrate on other things until life comes full circle again.

So what IS it time for?

I've spent the last few years being moderately-to-totally unfulfilled by how I spend my time 8am to 5pm, Monday through Friday. I'm good at it and make good money, but have a distinct lack of passion for it. Especially when compared to the passion I have for coaching and writing and all things bicycle related.

On Tuesday, I took a major step toward remedying this problem.

The risk may reap huge rewards. It could also be a total disaster. But at least I've made the decision that it is now the time, the season, to do something better for me. Even better, I've acted on that decision.

I'm simultaneously scared and thrilled. It feels like stepping off the cliff into an abyss, but I'm lucky to have an employer that is willing to provide me with a safety harness.

Wish me luck.

And thanks, Keven Bacon.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

I feel as though I am in a similar boat. Time for upheaval. Taking chances, a leap of faith and a bit of a breath-hold.