Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Pound (or Five) of Flesh

I need to eat. And keep eating. I weighed myself Monday morning after my ride in from work. 156.7. And again before intervals today. 150.2. So basically all of this grieving has cost me almost 6 pounds in 48 hours. Not exactly how I wanted to go about it.

Most of my calories in the last two days and three hours have come in the form of bourbon. And it showed at intervals tonight. We were supposed to do four sets of 2min x 5. I made it to the end of the third set and realized that I was running on fumes and rage and anxiety medication and I was probably going to hurt myself if I kept going.

Sleep is going to be easier tonight. I am struggling just keeping my eyes open long enough to purge what I need to purge to keep the bad dreams away.

There is a box sitting on my floor right now that used to contain some clothes and various items that I had left at his house. Most of the clothes went straight into the washing machine. Right before I tried to start the cycle, I couldn't do it. Pulled one shirt out, the one that smells most like his bedroom. I am going to sleep in that one tonight, but I promise to wash it first thing in the morning.

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